Judging Others

I think the biggest transformation that I’ve undergone in the past decade is marked by a behavior that I once would secretly do in the depths of my own fallible heart…judging others.
Looking back, this behavior may have stemmed from my own deeply rooted insecurities (unbeknownst to me at the time) – I believed that to be accepted, by my peers, parents & God… I had to be perfect & always “do the right thing” even when I didn’t really want to… & this resentment, I think bubbled over when I would see someone behaving in a way that I was trying so hard to not behave. In turn, it would make me feel better about myself casting judgment on them because I would remind myself of how great I was whenever I would get down on myself…

I didn’t have much control over my life growing up… having been born to immigrant parents who came to america & were barely making ends meet with their own small businesses while keeping their marriage together by a thread, I struggled with navigating my way through the world & due to my lack of control… frequently feeling overwhelmed with so many unknowns… I found myself being the good girl that always did what she was told…

The biggest wake up call came for me when my parents’ marriage inevitably unraveled after I moved up to the bay area. To cope with the pain in my own heart that I had been harboring for years prior, I rebelled: I stopped going to church & I stopped opening up to God about how I was feeling… what was once an intimate relationship slowly faded into an acquaintanceship. Instead of waiting on God… I decided enough was enough & I started engaging in reckless behaviors breaking many hearts along the way of those who stepped into my path of silent destruction…

On one hand, this was probably a period of time marked with more anxiety than ever before as I lived out my day to day seeped in more loneliness than I could have ever imagined. However, I’m also incredibly thankful for that phase of my life… because having emerged from that painful season of my life, God truly has broken me of a behavior that was the antithesis to the One I claimed to have known intimately. The amazing thing about Jesus when he was walking this earth was how he interacted with those who were marginalized, looked down upon & judged by society. Instead of jumping on the bandwagon & finding the cool kids to hang out with… Jesus embraced those that no one wanted…He embraced the sinner, the broken & diseased. As a result, these peoples’ lives were transformed & made whole…

I’ve been running away from God & hiding in the bushes for years…which is probably why when I heard this message this past Sunday… I broke down & was bawling… literally… sobbing quietly to myself because I didn’t want to disrupt those around me.

I realized this past Sunday how horrible judging someone is because in behaving this way, they not only are sinking in their own insecurities & deeply rooted hurts, but worse, they are closing themselves off from understanding where someone is coming from & in turn… closing themselves off from their own personal growth & transformation…

I think the reason why Jesus is so beautiful is because He takes us as we are… and just loves on us… never gives up on us… & all He asks from us is to come with an open heart…

Check out the message below when you get a chance – although our human parents will fall short in many ways, what a beautiful reminder of the type of Father we have who is waiting for us to open our hearts to Him once again…